i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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