sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
