I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
