Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
