pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
