I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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