Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
