I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
