Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
as a side note pls kill me
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