If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
