her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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