can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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