end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
