i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
