last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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