like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
