i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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