Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
