Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
