we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
