and she was petting her beer can
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
