How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
