i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
