One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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