Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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