During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
