What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
