Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
