Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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