You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
