You're so nebulous sometimes
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
