At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
