Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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