oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
