he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
