You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
