I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
