Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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