Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
