I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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