Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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