my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
