i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
