Plan B is the new Plan A
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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