I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
