Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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