i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
