This is not my ceiling
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
