Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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