I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
