Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
