I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
