Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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