Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
