And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
