it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
